Skip to content


May 22, 2010

I’ve decided to hate anyone under the age of 9, because young people have a tendency to pin-point one’s insecurities, then, when given the chance, either vocalize them in a room full of attractive women, or post them on Twitter.

Last week, I went to my parent’s house for a party. When I arrived, my four year-old cousin ran up to me, and said, “HEY BALD COUSIN! WHAT’S UP?!”

I was shocked and confused. How do you know I’m balding? You can’t even see the top of my head from down there. I fought the urge to say something sarcastic, or to punch her square in the neck, and instead, smiled and walked along.

And that’s the thing about kids. They say mean things, but since they’re kids, you can’t fire back. For example, it would’ve been inappropriate to respond, “Nothing much – just thinking about how amazing it is that you’re so happy and joyful despite looking like a microwaved Twinkie.”

When you’re around a child, you are put at a disadvantage. In the verbal warfare that occurs between humans, you can’t fight back when a kid is on the other end. Children are highly impressionable, and a mean-spirited comment can do very harmful things to a child’s self-esteem. Though I always want to, I know I shouldn’t. And to this day, I vow to never, no matter what, never ever say something mean back to a kid.

But I would delete the latest episode of Dora the Explorer from the DVR. I would do that. I did do that.

And it turns out it was my mom. She told her I was balding.

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: