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I Hate U

January 24, 2010


Muscular Basketball Player
You were guarding me when we played a pick-up game at the downtown YMCA. You were playing more aggressive than what was necessary because someone said you farted in the key. Fuck you, it was me.

  • When: Saturday, January 16, 2010
  • Where: Downtown YMCA
  • I hate a: Man
  • I am a: Wilfred

Custodian in Pacific Place
I’d rather you not stand right outside the stall when I’m in the bathroom demolishing the toilet. I know you’re out there – I can see your feet – and I know you’re going to have to clean this up when I’m done. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. Just wait in the hallway next time. I mean, do you really need to put a face to the poo on the toilet seat? Do you?

  • When: Wednesday, January 20, 2010
  • Where: Pacific Place bathroom, 2nd floor
  • I hate a: Man
  • I am a: Wilfred

Lake City Stripper
I just wanted to sit quietly in the back behind my sunglasses, but no, you had to rub your glittery ass all over my chinos. And when I paid you $20 to go away, you put your glittery tits on my neck. I can’t wash this shit off.

  • When: Sunday, January 17, 2010
  • Where: Lake City De Ja Vu
  • I hate a: Woman
  • I am a: Wilfred
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